MUCH OF THIS

So here's the thing...I am a part of my life where everything is scary and everything is exciting. In the past 12 months I feel like I feel to the bottom of death valley and climbed mt. whitney. The highs have been really high but the lows have been really low. I am exhausted.

My faith is changing and that is very much something I am feeling. My relationship with Jesus is different now then it was a year ago. I can't quite put my finger upon what is different but its different. I go to an incredible church and really trust our teaching pastor. More and more though I realize that I don't know that the Jesus I know is the same Jesus that so many of my brothers and sister in Christ know. Its so sad to me that people would so strongly judge an author so strongly before even reading his book. I haven't read it either so I can't say how I feel one way or the other but I can say that it sounds a lot like hypocrisy when someone is claiming a book as heresy without ever even reading it. My feelings about women and the church are also getting "thicker". I say thicker because I don't know that they are changing but more that I care more. I can't get behind a pastor who so adamantly denies the role of women in the church and the world. The early Christian church was founded by Lydia, a woman. I hate to say this but I lose some respect for people who I see them posting articles written by certain Christian leaders. Like really? That is who you choose to put on a soap box? Seriously? I find myself feeling personally attacked which is stupid because it has nothing to do with me.

I am starting wondering if I am ever going to finish college. If I am ever going to fall in love. If I am ever going to make it past being an intern. Seriously I am 24 years old and haven't ever been on a truly honest to God date. I have interned for some INCREDIBLE companies and worked with some of the biggest celebrities in the world and yet I have no real job. Seriously, little one in New York who is answering the phone at a certain un named PR agency, stop telling me to email and actually have some RELATIONS with a person. I put my networking skills into overdrive last week and had a producer from a popular nationally televised program email the owner of a large PR agency letting them know I am awesome and they should hire me and they said to give them a call. So I gave them a call and they said I should send them an email. So I sent them an email. I still haven't had any sort of response. If I wanted to just send an email with no response I could have done that on my own. I had their email addresses already, I am not an idiot. I have done my homework. No, I had a producer make a personal phone call on my behalf and because I started at the top and not at the bottom, the people at the bottom don't realize that I am someone who they have been given the okay to correspond with and not a total waste of time. SOMEONE HIRE ME!