MUCH OF THIS

So here's the thing...I am a part of my life where everything is scary and everything is exciting. In the past 12 months I feel like I feel to the bottom of death valley and climbed mt. whitney. The highs have been really high but the lows have been really low. I am exhausted.

My faith is changing and that is very much something I am feeling. My relationship with Jesus is different now then it was a year ago. I can't quite put my finger upon what is different but its different. I go to an incredible church and really trust our teaching pastor. More and more though I realize that I don't know that the Jesus I know is the same Jesus that so many of my brothers and sister in Christ know. Its so sad to me that people would so strongly judge an author so strongly before even reading his book. I haven't read it either so I can't say how I feel one way or the other but I can say that it sounds a lot like hypocrisy when someone is claiming a book as heresy without ever even reading it. My feelings about women and the church are also getting "thicker". I say thicker because I don't know that they are changing but more that I care more. I can't get behind a pastor who so adamantly denies the role of women in the church and the world. The early Christian church was founded by Lydia, a woman. I hate to say this but I lose some respect for people who I see them posting articles written by certain Christian leaders. Like really? That is who you choose to put on a soap box? Seriously? I find myself feeling personally attacked which is stupid because it has nothing to do with me.

I am starting wondering if I am ever going to finish college. If I am ever going to fall in love. If I am ever going to make it past being an intern. Seriously I am 24 years old and haven't ever been on a truly honest to God date. I have interned for some INCREDIBLE companies and worked with some of the biggest celebrities in the world and yet I have no real job. Seriously, little one in New York who is answering the phone at a certain un named PR agency, stop telling me to email and actually have some RELATIONS with a person. I put my networking skills into overdrive last week and had a producer from a popular nationally televised program email the owner of a large PR agency letting them know I am awesome and they should hire me and they said to give them a call. So I gave them a call and they said I should send them an email. So I sent them an email. I still haven't had any sort of response. If I wanted to just send an email with no response I could have done that on my own. I had their email addresses already, I am not an idiot. I have done my homework. No, I had a producer make a personal phone call on my behalf and because I started at the top and not at the bottom, the people at the bottom don't realize that I am someone who they have been given the okay to correspond with and not a total waste of time. SOMEONE HIRE ME!

Yummy!

Over the past year or so I have been working towards becoming a healthier version of myself. I have always been very petite but there has definitely been some flab where there should have been muscle. I am fortunate enough that I have never struggled with being overweight but if we are honest that has very little to do with my eating habits or exercise and more to do with having good genes. That being said, I am getting to an age where I need to make taking care of my body a priority. This has shown up in several ways. I have become a runner. I am running a half marathon in March. I have also become my own personal chef. In a town where I am surrounded by celebrities and sample size dresses I often find myself envious of the personal chefs that many celebrities have. I love the idea of someone making a menu for you filled with foods that are going to nurture your body and make you a healthier person. So I have become my own personal chef. I buy local organic foods from the farmers market once a week and make really delicious foods that are also healthy for me. Beyond that, I love making these foods for guests. It is so fulfilling to be able to feed guests not only things that taste good but foods that are going to be good for them. Above is a lunch I made myself the other day using all organic ingredients. I made grilled chicken breasts with sauteed in onions and lemon, sweet potato fries made with local organic sweet potatoes that I cut myself and edamame that is not local but it is organic! So delicious!

listing so far

What a realistic depiction about how I feel about my life right now. Stylish and fabulous on the surface but all sorts of messy in the background. I am excited for the start of 2011 and the new beginnings that a new year promises.

Things I want to achieve in 2011.

1. Finish my math class

2. Pay off my credit card debt

3. Make 60's style dress with new pattern I bought off of ebay and maybe sell some via etsy.

4. Go to another country. It could be mexico for all I care.

5. On that note...get a new passport.

6. Get health insurance

7. Bake Bread

8. Read at least one book a month

9. Go to Seattle

I Know Now.....

Things I have learned.....

...I am not good at updating a blog everyday

...Things are never as you expect them to be

...Forgiveness feels way better then anger

...If you don't tell someone something because you fear you will turn a mole hill in a mountain....it will most definitely turn into a mountain.

...I have no idea how to get anyone else other then myself reading this blog....

In the odd chance that someone not named me is reading this I would love if you could visit www.prayfordaisy.com The sweet daughter of Britt Merrick (teaching pastor at Reality Capinteria) is going through her second round of cancer and could really use your prayer.

Things I have learned from the Italians...

Oh the Italians. To make this make a little bit more sense I should explain that I work for an Italian company.

Things I have Learned since working for the Italians...

1. They like their Holidays! Seriously what other industry has summer fridays?

2. Less is often more

3. ciao means both hello and good bye

4. Madonna never gets old

The Chic-est

This blogger I just discovered through one of my favorite blogs is like visual candy. Seriously, can I be this effortlessly chic?

Identity

Transition. I am in the middle of of a pretty large transitional phase in my life. In the past things have been pretty defined for me. I go to school, I work at camp. School is what I do and camp is my ministry. I don't work at camp anymore. I always knew this day would come but now as a 23 year old entering the workforce (hopefully soon!) what does my ministry look like? I have made steps towards helping the childrens ministry at my church. I LOVE working in the fashion industry and being part of that family but I don't ever want that to be my identity. First and foremost I want my identity to be that of being a child of God. God doesn't give you deadlines, doesn't send you bills so it is a little easier to put Him in the backseat and not make Him part of your daily routine. I don't read my Bible everyday. I don't have the urgency that I wish I had. Its an exciting slash very terrifying time in my life. I could potentially hit my dreams or I could potentially hit the bottom in the coming months. If you are reading this, could you pray for me? I need it.